Mar
04

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-03-04

  • @eddiepepitone: crying in one's car has become a lost art. This generation doesn't know about tradition. #
  • @wheatnik: I need something else to do w/my time after I drink 2 pots of coffee than walking up to people & screaming "AM I NOT MERCIFUL?!" #
  • @Hadzilla: Ran out of spoons so I'm using Tostitos Scoops to eat my Apple Jacks and this is rock bottom. #
  • A failed business model…that has to be bailed out w/my tax $…is going to produce a substandard product. http://t.co/yrtQHvm7 #
  • @CarlyCastle: I set the milk on the counter next to the Oreos & just sit back, listening to them scream. #
  • O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.
    Psalm 104:24 #
  • @NowImworried: Now I’m worried that if I get into an accident and forget the words to the State Farm jingle they won’t accept my claim. #
  • @ChaseMit: Just ate the last banana before it rotted so don't you dare say I never accomplished anything. #
  • 'Hair All Over' would be a lousy name for a Sushi Bar. (@ Great Clips) http://t.co/6M7rPaJL #
  • @NickadooLA: Flo Rida looks a lot different now than when he was the mom on Good Times. #
  • @eddiepepitone: groveling is by far my favorite yoga position and life strategy. #
  • Coming soon to Christmas lists everywhere…some new insanity from Japan! http://t.co/FwpRkKNl #
  • @TheThomason: In modern usage, "Santa Fe" translates roughly to "there's corn in it." #
  • @ChaseMit: Gas is so expensive it's starting to make me feel guilty about driving away without paying. #
  • Stay Classy Colorado! http://t.co/FpXis3FB #
  • @TaraToGo: There’s no point trying to read my mind. What's in there will make no sense to you. #
  • The weather started getting rough… (@ Franklin Square) [pic]: http://t.co/X7Zo5w2a #
  • @badbanana: Do modern-day pirates still put a skull and crossbones on their flags? Or have they moved on to QR codes? #
  • @DOB_INC: In the interest of accuracy, I'm pushing for Cilantro to be renamed "the taste of soap's nightmares." #
  • @matthewdolkart: Weird. I've never once seen Kid Rock appropriately endorse a check. #
  • @jenstatsky: Wait, what checks CAN my ass cash? #
  • @badbanana: For $15,000, I will sabotage the Kickstarter project of your choice. #
  • Ladies…if you're into me. Just tell me. I'm not going to figure it out & no matter how many times I ask my wife she just rolls her eyes. #
  • @Kpartyawesome: Shout out to all the other peeps out there who haven't eaten a salad in over 2 years. #
  • RT @hairicaaa: "What up, blood? What up, cuz? What up, ma? What up, gangsta?" -50 Cent greeting his Bible study group #
  • "My clients are just like yours: They want to Skype, email & text. But here's why you still need face time." http://t.co/5NzHU2Fc #
  • RT @TotallyAllen: My ex-girlfriend was a vegan, which means she didn't eat meat, drink milk or really love me. #
  • @jenstatsky: All my people in the house whose limbs are on wrong, put your feet in the air!!! #
  • RT @9to5Life: I've yet to find an emotion that powdered donuts can't handle. #
  • @TaraToGo: I’ve grown up a lot lately. I no longer mind whether I get a pink or a blue bendy straw in my banana milkshake. #
  • @Squirreljustice: What is it about accidentally drinking a pot of hotdog water that makes me want to shoot up a LensCrafters? #
  • RT @Hadzilla: I feel like Miracle Whip doesn't understand what the word "miracle" means. #
  • @Molly_Kats: A contest to stay overnight in the 'Jersey Shore' house? No thanks, herpes. #
  • RT @PaulyPeligroso: "Yes, I know how long a foot long is, but is it my foot or your foot?" – an actual question my friend asked at a Subway. #
  • This is Ron Paul Country! #RonPaul2012 (@ Franklin Tennesse w/ 2 others) [pic]: http://t.co/0WrBrA8P #
  • @MarylandMudflap: Put "Xtreme Beef!" in the memo line of every check you write today. #
  • @Squirreljustice: See you on the dark side, dudes that iron your jeans. #
  • @jefftwinston: Pro tip: You can make up pretty much anything during a eulogy & people HAVE TO believe you, so have some fun with it! #
  • @TheThomason: "People say 'Yo Humpty, you're really funny-lookin'." Humpty, these people are not your friends. #
  • Feisty Ron Paul Hangs in… http://t.co/G53hXZQZ #
  • @Squirreljustice: Just did 3 awkward sit-ups trying to get off my couch. I'll probably just pound a Gatorade and call it a day. #
  • Alec Baldwin plays…are you saying you're better than Alec? For the non-snobs my username is 'TheDanielBass'. http://t.co/FgkRYyFQ #
  • @karlhess: Just walked by an empty 5 hour energy and a torn pair of pants on my street. A man died here. #
  • @matthewdolkart: I learned about childbirth from watching Michael Chiklis put on a turtleneck. #
  • I'm at Franklin Tennesse (Franklin) http://t.co/CSXFjicz #
  • @TaraToGo: Given the current economic climate I think it’s wrong to spend taxpayer’s money on signs telling deer where to cross the road. #
  • @davetotheross: found 7 more apartments on craigslist when i searched for "boat captain". #
  • @KimJongNumberUn: Hollywood is exactly like North Korea. Everyone starves themselves and makes bombs. #BOOM #LOL #Oscars #
  • @jerryrenek: Don't tell parents their kid is so cute you want to marry it and eat it in a stew. #
  • @stuckeymurray: I finally finished reading the Apple Terms and Conditions for the first generation iPod. I think I'm gonna get it. #
  • RT @Squirreljustice: A big thanks to everyone who showed up to my mom's country line dancing intervention. It meant a lot to our family. #
  • @stuckeymurray: MTV: Where 40 somethings tell 20 somethings what 14 year olds like. #
  • I'm at Premier Companies Inc. (511 New Hwy 96W Ste. 204, Franklin) http://t.co/xXh8pb1K #
  • @NowImworried: Now I’m worried because if my pill cutter is slightly off I could have too little Celebrex or a little too much Celebrex. #
  • Where is the so-called United Nations when you need them!? http://t.co/EvOcCaWo #
  • Early Voting Happens Here! Ron Paul 2012 (@ Winchester Community Facility) [pic]: http://t.co/hTg77i2r #
  • RT @IamEnidColeslaw: Can someone carry me up this flight of stairs? Been standing here for twenty minutes. #
  • RT @eddiepepitone: signs things aren't going well-1) your hip replacement is your conversation starter. 2) you drop toast from balconies. #
  • RT @meganamram: THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them! #
  • "If we want smaller government, we will have to pick up the slack." http://t.co/e5UNyAht #
  • RT @jenstatsky: So turns out the people at Build-A-Bear AREN'T cool with you bringing in your own bear heart. #

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Feb
26

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-02-26

  • RT @eddiepepitone: bad quote from Education Counsellor- too many of our young people are morons from hell. #
  • Sir George Young would “die a happier man” if he knew heat from his cremation was warming the waters of a local pool. http://t.co/Et5QAewg #
  • RT @eddiepepitone: “My shrink wants to up my meds to DEFCON 4 PRE APOCALYPSE levels. I told him relax, it’s only life.” #
  • @StevenAmiri: Finish script about thirty year old baristas that work at a coffee shop…in space. #todolist #
  • RT @vladchoc: Are you there God? It’s me, chocolate. They keep putting me on raisins. It’s weird. #
  • Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems… | Why do people dress up their pets? http://t.co/MSnoklAN #
  • @donnyclaytheway: Man will always reach for the stars…which is why female stars hire massive Read the rest of this entry »
Feb
19

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-02-19

  • RT @SteveMartinToGo: I am thinking that “magnamonium” means “with intense reverence, bordering on ludicrousness.” Or is that Trumpian? #
  • RT @StellaRtwot: Found an ant in my bathroom today, which is weird because I haven’t had a picnic in there for like 3 months. #
  • RT @Hadzilla: Haha this baby is eating birdseed right out of my hand. So cute. #
  • #HonestTequilaAds Michael Imperioli takes a shot..slurs a question about Vampires..farts so loud his nose Read the rest of this entry »
Feb
12

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-02-12

Feb
05

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-02-05

  • A Baaad Commute? | A flock of sheep forming a frenzied, cyclonic circle around a car… http://t.co/Odm1doLg #
  • Romans 1:16-32 (@ Conduit Church) http://t.co/8qyRBOqg #
  • RT @RobinMcCauley: The farthest back I can remember is crying in my crib and hearing someone ask me “Why are you in a crib? You’re 38.” #
  • As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you (cont) http://t.co/UDdNY0Er #
  • @mollymcnearney: Has the man who signed millions of Cabbage Patch Kids’ butt cheeks turned up as a pedophile yet? #
  • RT @richmckay: I thought I was failing an eye exam but I was just passed out in a bowl of alphabet soup. #
  • RT @JDeragon: The knowledge of what needs to change & how to make the change is no longer contained by the few rather it rest with the many. #
  • Holder to Puerto Rican Rep: ‘Wherever you’re from’ | http://t.co/b4V8STkj #
  • RT @MATT_KOFF: Before Twitter, I had to follow food trucks on a Read the rest of this entry »
Jan
29

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-01-29

Jan
22

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-01-22

Jan
22

Daniel Bass’s Weekly Twitter Report for 2012-01-22

  • @larrywinget: “Some people couldn’t make a point with an ice pick.” #larrywinget
  • Take my Honda…please: http://t.co/dBVw8Tkx #
  • RT @JimGaffigan: People are so nice in Utah it makes me think they are stealing from me. #
  • Sen. Jim DeMint “If we don’t listen to Ron Paul…the FED is going to destroy our Monetary System” – http://t.co/plltymQy #
  • RT @greggutfeld: Clooney refused to thank all the hobos and their blood that he copiously drinks. #noclass #
  • RT @DirtyMelodies: My little neighbor was doing his math homework & it took me 10 seconds and the use of my fingers to confirm that 9+7=16. #
  • RT @meganamram: There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house #
  • Ron Paul is the winner in Read the rest of this entry »
Jan
15

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-01-15

Jan
08

Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-01-08