Mar
04
Daniel Bass: Twitter Updates for 2012-03-04
- @eddiepepitone: crying in one's car has become a lost art. This generation doesn't know about tradition. #
- @wheatnik: I need something else to do w/my time after I drink 2 pots of coffee than walking up to people & screaming "AM I NOT MERCIFUL?!" #
- @Hadzilla: Ran out of spoons so I'm using Tostitos Scoops to eat my Apple Jacks and this is rock bottom. #
- A failed business model…that has to be bailed out w/my tax $…is going to produce a substandard product. http://t.co/yrtQHvm7 #
- @CarlyCastle: I set the milk on the counter next to the Oreos & just sit back, listening to them scream. #
- O Lord, how manifold are your works! In wisdom have you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.
Psalm 104:24 # - @NowImworried: Now I’m worried that if I get into an accident and forget the words to the State Farm jingle they won’t accept my claim. #
- @ChaseMit: Just ate the last banana before it rotted so don't you dare say I never accomplished anything. #
- 'Hair All Over' would be a lousy name for a Sushi Bar. (@ Great Clips) http://t.co/6M7rPaJL #
- @NickadooLA: Flo Rida looks a lot different now than when he was the mom on Good Times. #
- @eddiepepitone: groveling is by far my favorite yoga position and life strategy. #
- Coming soon to Christmas lists everywhere…some new insanity from Japan! http://t.co/FwpRkKNl #
- @TheThomason: In modern usage, "Santa Fe" translates roughly to "there's corn in it." #
- @ChaseMit: Gas is so expensive it's starting to make me feel guilty about driving away without paying. #
- Stay Classy Colorado! http://t.co/FpXis3FB #
- @TaraToGo: There’s no point trying to read my mind. What's in there will make no sense to you. #
- The weather started getting rough… (@ Franklin Square) [pic]: http://t.co/X7Zo5w2a #
- @badbanana: Do modern-day pirates still put a skull and crossbones on their flags? Or have they moved on to QR codes? #
- @DOB_INC: In the interest of accuracy, I'm pushing for Cilantro to be renamed "the taste of soap's nightmares." #
- @matthewdolkart: Weird. I've never once seen Kid Rock appropriately endorse a check. #
- @jenstatsky: Wait, what checks CAN my ass cash? #
- @badbanana: For $15,000, I will sabotage the Kickstarter project of your choice. #
- Ladies…if you're into me. Just tell me. I'm not going to figure it out & no matter how many times I ask my wife she just rolls her eyes. #
- @Kpartyawesome: Shout out to all the other peeps out there who haven't eaten a salad in over 2 years. #
- RT @hairicaaa: "What up, blood? What up, cuz? What up, ma? What up, gangsta?" -50 Cent greeting his Bible study group #
- "My clients are just like yours: They want to Skype, email & text. But here's why you still need face time." http://t.co/5NzHU2Fc #
- RT @TotallyAllen: My ex-girlfriend was a vegan, which means she didn't eat meat, drink milk or really love me. #
- @jenstatsky: All my people in the house whose limbs are on wrong, put your feet in the air!!! #
- RT @9to5Life: I've yet to find an emotion that powdered donuts can't handle. #
- @TaraToGo: I’ve grown up a lot lately. I no longer mind whether I get a pink or a blue bendy straw in my banana milkshake. #
- @Squirreljustice: What is it about accidentally drinking a pot of hotdog water that makes me want to shoot up a LensCrafters? #
- RT @Hadzilla: I feel like Miracle Whip doesn't understand what the word "miracle" means. #
- @Molly_Kats: A contest to stay overnight in the 'Jersey Shore' house? No thanks, herpes. #
- RT @PaulyPeligroso: "Yes, I know how long a foot long is, but is it my foot or your foot?" – an actual question my friend asked at a Subway. #
- This is Ron Paul Country! #RonPaul2012 (@ Franklin Tennesse w/ 2 others) [pic]: http://t.co/0WrBrA8P #
- @MarylandMudflap: Put "Xtreme Beef!" in the memo line of every check you write today. #
- @Squirreljustice: See you on the dark side, dudes that iron your jeans. #
- @jefftwinston: Pro tip: You can make up pretty much anything during a eulogy & people HAVE TO believe you, so have some fun with it! #
- @TheThomason: "People say 'Yo Humpty, you're really funny-lookin'." Humpty, these people are not your friends. #
- Feisty Ron Paul Hangs in… http://t.co/G53hXZQZ #
- @Squirreljustice: Just did 3 awkward sit-ups trying to get off my couch. I'll probably just pound a Gatorade and call it a day. #
- Alec Baldwin plays…are you saying you're better than Alec? For the non-snobs my username is 'TheDanielBass'. http://t.co/FgkRYyFQ #
- @karlhess: Just walked by an empty 5 hour energy and a torn pair of pants on my street. A man died here. #
- @matthewdolkart: I learned about childbirth from watching Michael Chiklis put on a turtleneck. #
- I'm at Franklin Tennesse (Franklin) http://t.co/CSXFjicz #
- @TaraToGo: Given the current economic climate I think it’s wrong to spend taxpayer’s money on signs telling deer where to cross the road. #
- @davetotheross: found 7 more apartments on craigslist when i searched for "boat captain". #
- @KimJongNumberUn: Hollywood is exactly like North Korea. Everyone starves themselves and makes bombs. #BOOM #LOL #Oscars #
- @jerryrenek: Don't tell parents their kid is so cute you want to marry it and eat it in a stew. #
- @stuckeymurray: I finally finished reading the Apple Terms and Conditions for the first generation iPod. I think I'm gonna get it. #
- RT @Squirreljustice: A big thanks to everyone who showed up to my mom's country line dancing intervention. It meant a lot to our family. #
- @stuckeymurray: MTV: Where 40 somethings tell 20 somethings what 14 year olds like. #
- I'm at Premier Companies Inc. (511 New Hwy 96W Ste. 204, Franklin) http://t.co/xXh8pb1K #
- @NowImworried: Now I’m worried because if my pill cutter is slightly off I could have too little Celebrex or a little too much Celebrex. #
- Where is the so-called United Nations when you need them!? http://t.co/EvOcCaWo #
- Early Voting Happens Here! Ron Paul 2012 (@ Winchester Community Facility) [pic]: http://t.co/hTg77i2r #
- RT @IamEnidColeslaw: Can someone carry me up this flight of stairs? Been standing here for twenty minutes. #
- RT @eddiepepitone: signs things aren't going well-1) your hip replacement is your conversation starter. 2) you drop toast from balconies. #
- RT @meganamram: THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them! #
- "If we want smaller government, we will have to pick up the slack." http://t.co/e5UNyAht #
- RT @jenstatsky: So turns out the people at Build-A-Bear AREN'T cool with you bringing in your own bear heart. #
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